Serena Dyer

Serena Dyer is a wife and mom of three small kids in Sunny Florida. Like tons of mothers, Serena had bought the lie that she needed wine (a.k.a. "mommy juice") to get through the day. But when COVID hit and Serena was tasked with homeschooling her kids in lockdown, she faced the realities of her drinking habits. Read on to hear Serena tell us how she quit alcohol mid-pandemic, and reset her sleep, grew her confidence, and restored peace to her relationships.

What were your old drinking habits, and how did they make you feel?

After having my third child in 3.5 years, I’d open a bottle of wine while making dinner and slowly enjoy two glasses most evenings, joking to my husband that my “mommy juice” was a requisite to get through the day. Over time though, I found that the joke was on me. I began to count down the minutes until what I perceived would be a reasonable time to have a glass in the evening and eventually 5 pm became 4:30, and 4:30 became 4:15 and so on. I could easily finish three glasses between 4ish and whatever time my husband and I would get the kids asleep and sit down to watch an hour of television. After drinking all of that wine, I’d inevitably crush my kids’ goldfish or whatever salty snacks were around. 

I was constantly in a state of a teeny hangover. I didn’t even realize that the tiredness, carb-cravings, insomnia and just general malaise were a result of drinking most nights. I truly thought it was just the tiredness that came with being a mom. It wasn’t until the Spring 2020 Covid shutdown that I realized how overweight I was, how awful I felt all the time, and that more than anything, I’d come to rely on alcohol to get through the day.

Why did you make the decision to cut-back? Did you go cold-turkey one day or was it gradual? 

During the Covid shutdown, there was a week when I drank each night. I convinced myself that being a mom with the newfound role of homeschool “teacher” to my 4- and 3- year-old daughters, while also parenting my 1-year-old son, I needed the wine more than ever to survive. I woke up one morning with the same tiredness I’d had for months and immediately felt overwhelmed with the thought of how I was going to get through the day.

On that one particular morning, my kids were begging to go swimming. I put off their requests for as long as I could (opting instead to turn on a show for them so I could scroll through my phone and eat my bagel in peace) until eventually I gave in. When I finally got my bathing suit on, I took one look in the mirror and realized how puffy my face was, and how sluggish I felt. I’d been trying (really just pretending I was trying by wearing my workout clothes everyday) to lose the extra 30 pounds I was carrying since my son was born a year earlier, and I did a quick calculation and realized that I was consuming an extra 600+ calories per day just by drinking wine and eating after dinner snacks before bed. I also knew that if I didn’t force myself to stop, I would only end up drinking more during the shutdown since I didn’t have to be anywhere or see anyone outside of my family. 

I found myself asking, am I drinking it, or is it drinking me? Was alcohol taking away from my overall sense of well-being, my job as a mother, and the way I felt in my body? The answer was a resounding yes. So I quit. Cold turkey. During the shutdown. With three kids under 5 at home. I know it sounds crazy, but I am so happy I did.

How did you feel after you stopped drinking, and what are some of the change you noticed?

When I first made the decision to cut out all alcohol I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through the first day. But as the late afternoon and early evening approached, I consciously observed each craving and each thought trying to convince me that I needed a glass of red, until eventually my thoughts moved away from what I was missing and instead onto my kids. Each day after that, as the evening would approach and I found myself thinking about how much I “needed” a glass of wine, I made a mental effort to just notice that “need” pass.

The truth is, I had bought into the thought that I needed wine and that it helped me feel more relaxed, when in reality it only contributed to my overall dissatisfaction with how I looked and felt. At the end of the first week I was down 4 pounds and that was the greatest motivation to keep going. I know that I sound shallow. I could lie and say that the increase in meaningful and productive time with my children and husband was all the motivation I needed, but that would be complete and total BS. It was the big changes I saw and felt.

Do you still drink on occasion? Do you limit yourself? 

I’ve had drinks on a handful of occasions over the last 8 months, and each time it served as a reminder of why I don’t miss it.

There’s nothing worse than waking up with that post-drinking anxiety-filled hangover.  How are your mornings different now that you wake up more clear-headed? 

Now that I no longer drink, my insomnia is mostly gone. I truly have more energy. I no longer avoid having to do physically active things and my relationships with my children and husband are so much more at ease.

“I found myself asking, am I drinking it, or is it drinking me?”

Any tips that worked for you when you were really tempted to pour a big glass?

I’ve made the mistake before of telling my oldest child in advance when she is going to get a shot. If I tell her she’s going to the pediatrician even an hour before we get in the car, she becomes consumed with fear and anxiety until she’s hysterical before we’ve even left the driveway. In my five+ years of being a mother, I’ve only recently realized that I can spring it on her when we pull into the pediatrician’s parking lot, saving all of us a lot of stress.

My point is that many of us allow ourselves to believe that something is going to be awful only to find out afterward that it wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought. We convince ourselves that we need something in order to be happy, even if that thing is contributing to our overall sense of unhappiness. I had bought into the idea that I needed alcohol to get through the day, totally convinced that getting through the day would be harder without it. When I reminded myself that this was just fear in disguise (like my daughter with the shots), I eventually understood that the fear was so much worse than actually doing it. 

If you’re doing something that’s contributing to your overall sense of unhappiness, but you’re afraid to stop, just remember that fear is only temporarily uncomfortable in your mind, but being truly unhappy in your physical self lasts a lot longer. Having this awareness worked for me at least!

What advice would you give someone who wants to eliminate or drink less alcohol, but doesn't think they have the willpower to stick with it? 

I would encourage anyone to remember that just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Thinking that something is going to be hard is just one way of allowing your thoughts to get the better of you. Will it be hard? Maybe. We would miss out on a lot of beautiful experiences and opportunities if we only did what was easy. And the truth is, it might be hard. But what’s worse? Despising the way the look and feel in your body day after day or the temporary discomfort as you adjust to an evening without a drink? 

I’m completely for anyone having a cocktail or glass of wine (or several) if it doesn’t take away from your sense of well-being. I had a great relationship with alcohol for many years until over time I didn’t. I haven’t given up alcohol completely, but I recognize the hold it had on me. I’m happier now than I’ve been in a long time and that’s made it so, so worth it!